Have you ever just had a cry? You know the one after which you felt so much better? Well I have and it always surprises me at peoples reactions. Even my Omama; who I love, has mentioned that she is a little uncomfortable with the emotional level at APC, my church.
This morning on my way into work I had one of those moments, where it was just me pouring out my heart to my God and nothing stood between us. It was a moment of awe, a moment of repentance, a moment of great gratitude and joy. This is the core of my belief system, an open and honest relationship with my creator, the great I AM, the Holy One, Perfection Realized. And knowing and understanding this truth is why I react with such emotion. It is a total overwhelming realization that I will never ever meet expectations or match up. When we realize God's position in our life we in turn realize our own, this elicits a response, in my case one of emotion.
Don't get me wrong this emotion is good, it is not in the form of despair, but one based on the knowledge that I will not be judge by my own righteousness, but that of God's son Christ Jesus. It is for this reason tears sometimes flood my soul, it is for this reason I sometimes can not find the words to speak. Wonder struck, I stand in awe, thankful, grateful and truly stunned. For Jesus paid it all and all to him I owe; and in the end if I am not true to the recognition of that truth and it's impact on my daily life how real am I living, and how real is my faith?
For if I believe God exists why should I hide my reaction to that fact? What does that say about my faith. So for me I will keep on repenting, keep on peeling away my layers of protection which are an illusion and be as visible to myself as I am with God. For it is written that even the Night is Like Day to You. So the hiding I do is not from God but myself and my understanding of my position in the body of Christ. Denying ones emotions might just lead to the denial of God himself. God forbid.
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